Photo by Georgia de Lotz on Unsplash

Before the omnipresence of social media, the etiquette surrounding a death was less immediate. The family of the deceased called loved ones, co-workers, and friends to let them know of the passing. Then they usually placed an obituary in the local and/or national newspaper. Information about funeral services and mourning practices was included within the obituary. 

Nowadays, many people no longer read newspapers and rely on various social media sites for news and information. In this new environment, there have been several funeral faux pas, such as the announcement of a death being posted on social media sites before the immediate family members have been informed. To navigate the age of social media, here are five etiquette rules for funerals and death announcements online:

1.  The Golden Rule: According to the website skillsyouneed.com, “The golden rule of social media posts about any death is to wait for the family to post first.” If you are not in the immediate family, check to see if there are any online memorials or social media posts by the grieving family before posting anything. If not, DON’T make your own post unless you’re in the immediate family of the deceased. Cypress Lawn says, “This also means you should refrain from posting a note of condolence to their Facebook page until they have announced the death.” Wait a few days for the loved one’s family to notify loved ones and decide on details related to the funeral before you post anything about the death online. Cake, an end-of-life planning site, warns that it can be heartbreaking for a family member to find out about a loved one’s death on social media.

2.  Don’t Add Details: Once the family has made the death announcement on social media, DON’T add any extra details to the post. While it is acceptable to share the post, it is not acceptable to add any more information than the family is comfortable sharing. Remember, the people closest to the deceased should be in control of the announcement and what information they want to share with the public. If you get any of the details wrong, it can make things more distressing for the family and other loved ones who read your post. A good rule of thumb is not to do anything that may make things worse for those who are grieving. It’s often best to simply share the announcement and express your condolences. If you’re not sure what to say, here are some examples of online condolences. If you were not close to the deceased, creating a post with a big photo of them and posting about how much you loved them and miss them is usually not appropriate. This is a time for restraint and respect.

3.  It’s Not About You: If you post on social media or make a comment on a post about a death, DON’T expect a response from the family. While other people’s comments are a comfort to the family, they may not feel able to respond to comments. So, don’t be offended if your comment gets no response, especially if there is no response in the first few days following the announcement. When responding to a social media post, please DON’T “like” the post. While “liking” a post was originally a sign of support, this is no longer the case—it can be seen as disrespectful in the case of a death. Platforms such as Facebook now have multiple reactions that you can choose. You can leave a heart emoji, a crying emoji, or simply avoid clicking on any reaction.

4.  No Posting During The Funeral: Whatever you do, DON’T post on social media during the funeral. Do not get on your phone while at the funeral or the crematorium to check in on social media or to make any announcement of your whereabouts. While you may be seeing people whom you have not seen for years, please don’t be tempted to start taking selfies or sharing information online. It’s best to turn off your phone at the funeral and leave it alone. Checking your phone or making posts will look extremely disrespectful, and you don’t want to upset the family, especially during the visitation, services, funeral luncheon, or family gathering following the funeral.

5.  Avoid Tagging the Deceased Person: It’s best to avoid tagging a deceased friend, especially immediately after the death. First, you are likely making things harder for the family—so don’t do it. Also, tagging someone deceased is not a good way for friends who have not heard the news to find out. According to Funeral Basics, “While sharing an image or a post or a video that reminded you of the person who has died might bring you a moment of peace, it could be harmful or disrespectful to the family as they grieve.” Remember, the image or video will still mean something special to you and remind you of the person you loved even if you never post it.

Social media can bring people together, especially in times of crisis, such as the loss of a loved one. Remember to follow the family’s lead and wait for the closest family members to share on their social media sites first. When you do share, don’t add additional details, or make your own splashy post. And under no circumstances should you post during the funeral! Be respectful and don’t do anything that can add to the family’s burden during such a difficult time because it’s not about you.

Thanks for reading our blog. You can reach out to us, Wheelan-Pressly Funeral Home and Crematory anytime at 1-309-786-5421 or find us online at wheelanpressly.com